Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize