I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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