I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
