Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
