did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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