That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
