Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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