So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
