Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
