Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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