he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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