Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
