I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
