Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
