I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
