Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
