you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You need Xanax blowdarts
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
