Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
