My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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