so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
