i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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