I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
