I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
