He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
