She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
