Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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