i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
