The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
