It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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