she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
