I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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