her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
