Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
