He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
