i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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