Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
