Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
