My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
