the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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