forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
