Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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