I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
