: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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