Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
