3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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