Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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