The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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