so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
