Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
