I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
