I need help removing her.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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