My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
