the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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