Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
