He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
