I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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