I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
