My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
