i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize