either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I want to make a zoo with you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
