i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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