Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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