she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
