hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
