Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize