And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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