I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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