I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
