thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
