Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
