I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
