Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
