Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
