Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just high enough for therapy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
