The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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