I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
