i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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