Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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