im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
